You turn on the radio. The first notes of Africa play. It's Weezer's cover. Now unenthused, you change the station. It's '80s hour, playing all of your fAvORitE HiTs and you hear the iconic melody of Take On Me, so now you're excited. It's also a Weezer cover. Slightly perplexed, you change the station. You catch the tail end of a Nothin' But '90s hour. The radio host chooses Scrubs, a classic. You love this song. But why are you hearing Rivers Cuomo's voice? At a stoplight, you pull out your phone and go to Spotify. Let's keep it moving with the throwbacks, you think to yourself, and you tap the first '80s mix you see. Aw man, you love Billie Jean! Wait, Weezer? Again? Skip. Everybody Wants to Rule the World? It's Weezer. You do several double takes of your phone screen. You try to relax. Your feet shuffle. The light is still red.
An F-150 slams into the driver's side. You think you hear sirens, but for all you know that could be Cuomo hitting A-ha's falsetto.
It's no use. Your flatline hums.
The funeral procession takes place at your local church. Your ghostly entity droops over the choir balcony. You listen to family and loved ones cry but not before hearing Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) as your casket enters the building. That's pretty funny. Someone must have known how much of an '80s new wave fan you are. Wait, those backing vocals sound new. Wait, is that an electric guitar? You listen a little harder. Why are you hearing Rivers Cuomo's voice? Sobs overpower the song, but you don't know who they're coming from.
Some time passes. The burial is about to take place. A priest says "May they rest in peace."
You make your way to the cemetery parking lot as the sound of starting cars indicates it's all over. One car has music playing. Someone has music playing. Stand By Me is faintly heard, a simple, raw love song floating around the car seats as you do. They turn the volume up, and restlessness rustles inside you. Why are you hearing Rivers Cuomo's voice? They change the song before you have time to clarify that is indeed Weezer, who has already chosen their next victim.